Ohio State - Miami, Sept 17, 2011.

Shall be called the COI Bowl.

If either team is ranked in the top-10 after the first week of games (this weekend), a Letter of Inquiry will be sent to both schools as to whether outside agents paid for their teams to be ranked.  If either team remains ranked in the top 10 after the second week, a Notice of Allegation shall be sent out to each school, documenting how they do not belong in the top 10 ranks.

In the game, if the two teams are tied at the end of regulation, the match will be declared a Major Infraction, and will incur the Death Penalty.  If during post-regulation play they remain tied after the first series, they will be considered Repeat Violators and a Secondary Violation will be declared.

If the game continues to be tied after three series in post-regulation period, a Summary Disposition will be made, declaring Paul Dee to be a fink, and both schools will be officially offered get-out-of-jail cards for free, just so that both teams and fans can go home.

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UPDATE: This morning SB Nation's Jason Kirk writes:

"The NCAA's finding out about more players that are involved, even in small ways, with the Shapiro scandal. There's no reason to think it won't find more, especially with something like a dozen players earning immunity for adding their stories to the report, and it's also not hard to imagine it finding more coaches and suits."

Will Miami have enough players to suit up?

Oh, and the irony is NOT lost on any USC Trojan, that Seantrel Henderson asked to be released from his USC commitment once USC's punishment was announced last Summer, and ended up at Miami. Then earlier this month after the Yahoo investigation exposed Miami's mass violations,  Seantrel's father offered this precious quote:

"Our thought right now is, Seantrel is a Hurricane and will remain a Hurricane until further notice."

They key is, "until further notice."

Then there was Ohio State which admitted to secondary violations in the recruitment of Seantrel Henderson, one of which was Terrelle Pryor sending a text message in violation of NCAA rules.