"Buyer to do due diligence" and some other hilarious euphemisms.

In the process of looking for either empty lots or good deals on houses, I came across the "Buyer to do due diligence" warning.  It was obvious why: The lot had a tree with a 10'+ circumference right in the middle of the lot.  This prompted me to compile some of the observed euphemisms of the real estate trade.

"Buyer to do due diligence"

That actually means, "I'M NOT TELLING YOU ABOUT SOME DEFECT OR CRITICAL LIMITATION!"

"Fixer-upper"

Really, one look and you know that it actually means, "STRUCTURAL PROBLEMS EXIST, REQUIRING LOTS OF MONEY!"

"Quaint"

This can either mean, "SMALL!" or "GRANDMA LIVED HERE AND NEVER UPDATED ANYTHING IN 30 YEARS!"

"Updated"

My least favorite term, this almost always means, "WE FIXED IT UP ALL PRETTY WITH CHEAP DIY STUFF AND EXPECT IT TO SELL FOR A LOT!"

"Solid bones"

Ha.  This one means, "THE ONLY THING GOOD ABOUT THIS HOME IS THE FRAMING!"

"Cozy" and "Pied-à-terre"

These are interchangeable adjectives that describe either, "TWO BEDROOM HOME IN A ONE BEDROOM SIZED HOME!" or, "ONE BEDROOM HOME IN A STUDIO SIZED HOME!" or, "HOME ESPECIALLY SIZED FOR A SINGLE MIDGET!"