According to the word and deeds of Free Market Capitalists and Conservatives, revisions to the Beatitudes were made:
- Blessed are the filthy rich, for their Gold is waiting in the kingdom of Heaven.
- Blessed are they, who desecrate our dead enemies, for they shall be celebrating in the streets with Southern Comfort.
- Blessed are the bold, for they shall enslave the Earth.
- Blessed are they who used justice for their own means, for they shall profit.
- Blessed are the merciless, for they shall be strong (and Win!)
- Blessed are those with cleaned paper trails, for they shall never see prison.
- Blessed are the war-mongering chicken hawks, for they will be called the missiles of God.
- Blessed are the torturers, for theirs is the solace of hearing screams of pain.
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