Monday, April 30, 2012

The Beatitudes, according to the Free Market Capitalist and Conservative


According to the word and deeds of Free Market Capitalists and Conservatives, revisions to the Beatitudes were made:

  • Blessed are the filthy rich, for their Gold is waiting in the kingdom of Heaven.
  • Blessed are they, who desecrate our dead enemies, for they shall be celebrating in the streets with Southern Comfort.
  • Blessed are the bold, for they shall enslave the Earth.
  • Blessed are they who used justice for their own means, for they shall profit.
  • Blessed are the merciless, for they shall be strong (and Win!)
  • Blessed are those with cleaned paper trails, for they shall never see prison.
  • Blessed are the war-mongering chicken hawks, for they will be called the missiles of God.
  • Blessed are the torturers, for theirs is the solace of hearing screams of pain.


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