I got an email from the husband of an ex-girlfriend from nearly two decades ago. He was angry as hell - deservedly so - for the way I treated my then girlfriend. I won't go into details, but suffice to say, I could only respond that he was completely correct; that I was a selfish, arrogant person that was an idiot and completely immature (no I didn't beat her). I also explained that I've always lived with that sadness and regret, and that I've never forgotten her or what happened.
In a return email after my apology, he expressed forgiveness, which was more than I could have possibly asked for - and I did not ask for it, as I didn't believe that I deserved it.
Despite his words of kindness, there is little solace. At that point in time nearly 20 years ago, I remember a poignant conversation with my neighbor and friend, Martin, who expressed regrets in his life, to which I suggested that I have no regrets. Well, as I get older, I have certainly grown over my arrogance and discovered my own box of regrets, including how I was terribly selfish and self-centered.
Life changes, we move on, but those regrets just sit there, don't they? A butterfly flaps its wings and things are set into motion, that which cannot be changed. Such is our lives, that every little action has consequences, but fortunately for my ex-girlfriend, she appears to have found a good man to build a happy life together. Me? Meh. I'm too scared to hurt someone else to get deep into a serious relationship, to be honest.
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